This past year has been one of the tougher times for me, going through different events that really did contribute to shaping the person that I am today. I would not change those tough times though because I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and there is a purpose for every person in your life, as well as how they come through your life.
I had become very accustomed to toxic relationships since throughout the years, that is what I seemed to attract. Since I am very much a helper, these people I would be in relationships with, would be people I thought I could help, when in reality, the situations were hurting me instead. Being able to recognize this pattern was quintessential to me growing as a person and knowing that some people can't be helped and I needed to just accept that. This is one reason I have never gotten into the spirit of Valentine's Day, is because this is the one holiday that was about showing love for the person or people you are around, but with romantic relationships, I was giving my whole self and getting nothing in return. I actually took a personality test this morning, and part of the results showed your weakness, and mine (no surprise) was being too selfless. I have known this since I was little because I always worried more about other people than I probably should have. But over this past year, I have learned that I need to start taking better care of myself mentally, and start putting myself first every once in a while. That is not to say that I am not still a very selfless person (as I have been told many times), or that I will stop trying to help people.
With that being said, over all of these realizations, there have been some amazing things happening that have proven that happiness is attainable. Something that helped me grow my happiness is making a list of things that make me truly happy. This way, if there was something I was doing that doesn't make me happy but instead stressed me out or made me anxious, I would know that maybe I need to reevaluate what I was doing. The biggest change that has come from this has been in the love life department because I have met the most amazing man. I have not introduced my friends or family to a guy for a long time because I realized that I didn't want men to just be coming and going from their lives and mine. If they were going to meet someone I was dating, then it was going to be someone I see a future with and someone I am extremely excited about. That is what the guy I am dating is to me, someone I see a future with and a person I am insanely excited about to the point of it annoying my friends, how happy I am now. But along with that, a man should not determine your happiness, but instead help increase your happiness. Relationships should not be something that causes a lot of anxiety or stress; that is a good indicator that it is either not a healthy relationship or not the right one for you. That is one way I knew this would be a good relationship is because I am always excited to talk to him and see him. Date nights are something to look forward to because he will be there, and he helps contribute to my happiness. Clearly I cannot stop gushing about him so I will just cut myself off now.
Since I am a huge planner (my actual planner is color coded and has my whole life written down in it) I have had to realize that not everything I plan out, is necessarily going to happen, and when it doesn't happen, I shouldn't stress out too much about it. That is one huge thing I used to do, is when things would not go as planned, I would get incredibly anxious and so upset because things needed to go according to plan. After realizing that this affected my happiness, I knew I needed to change how I viewed being this invested in things going the exact way I expected them to go. Letting go a little lets you grow your trust in other people and takes some of the weight off of your shoulders. Being able to trust people is something that has come to be difficult, because I am usually too trusting and then get burned in the end. But once you learn the traits a person you want to trust, should have, it is easier to know who to trust in your life.
I was recommended a book to read that goes hand in hand with this topic called Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. I plan to enjoy this book when I am in Cabo, on the beach with a margarita and tacos in 2 weeks. So the full review and my thoughts about the book will come in a future post. But I will be straight up about this particular thing; tacos make me the happiest in life.
Just know what makes you happy and go do it!
